Worthless
by Angel Dove1
Summary: Jou has had a hard life and is coming to the terms of the word worthless. Will he be able to come to terms with his own worth when fate deals him a new deck. M/M, violence, depression, suicidal thoughts, oneshot


I don't know what's my obsession with Jou and Seto fics lately, but I just want to write them. I know this isn't one of my long stories but I had a horrible day at work and just wanted to pour all my rage into whatever pops in my head first and this started. I didn't even realize it was Jou until halfway through the story. At first it was a random person that I didn't even know the name of until it began to come to life. Now a full short story that I'm pleased to give to you. I hope you all like it. I don't know when or what my newest long story would be. Please continue to have patience. I've found myself too tired on my days off to even think of good story plots. Anyway. That's enough of my ranting. Onward to this oneshot.

Warnings: Yaoi, depression and sucidal thoughts. If this bother's you please don't read this story

THANK YOU SPIKEY! Aparently this new program on my computer stinks! LOL I've never even read this over more than once so my mind obviously missed those two HUGE mistakes. Thank you again!

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Worthless. A simple word described in the dictionary as without worth, use, or value. However the true meaning of the word is defined among society, finding its true meaning among the opinions of the ones using it. Take for example the prostitute standing on the far corner from the dark alleyway I sat concealed in. She's dressed simply in a mini black skirt and a red spaghetti strap shirt. Her brown hair is curly and flowed freely in the wind. The only people to truly look at her are her customers. Worthless? I think not, but the countless cars driving by think so. Living in this alleyway taught me something. Never judge until you know all the facts. The facts lying behind that fake smile would you believe that she lost her high paying job due to the economy and was forced to find another just making a third of what she originally made. Her husband left her and her two young children, forcing her to find a way to survive. She tried going for government assistance, but was denied. She made too much. Tell me. What type of full time job paying six dollars an hour was making too much. Society backed her against the wall. A cruel fate that I bared witness to. How many times she feared the car she got into? How much suffering and pain she went through only for what extra money to make it through the month? Worthless? Think again.

My eyes drift over to the homeless man sitting directly outside of the alleyway. His beard was fully grown down to his chest, his skin and clothes covered in dirt and blood. People call him worthless. But, yet, he sits there everyday earning only the money that kind, sympatric people drop into his hat. True, he could go to the shelter, but his pride will not let him stoop that low. Only a year ago he had to claim bankruptcy and when he couldn't pay, they took everything he owned. Society stripped this man of his dignity and left him with nothing but his life and pride. Two things that he couldn't let go of. Worthless? A tear rolled down my cheek. He was no more worth more than me.

I ran my fingers through my dirty blond hair just as the clouds opened up, dumping cold water down on us. The prostitute frowned and started her long walk home, knowing that no decent man would pick her up in the rain. The homeless man pulled the money out of the hat and walked back towards me where I curled up against the metal dumpster. He knelt in front of me, brushing my hair from my eyes. "Son?" he called. The sadness on his face made it difficult for me to look at him. "When was the last time you ate?"

I sighed. "I don't remember. Please just let me be."

The man pulled out the money and split half of it. I shook my head, but he shoved the money in my hand and walked off. I knew better then to assault his pride. Tucking the money in my wet pocket, I swayed on my feet as I stood. It was time to find something to eat. I sighed as I wandered the streets, wondering which place would give me the most food for the ten dollars I held. I frowned as I walked by one of the game stores selling the latest model of the Kaiba Corps holographic dueling disk. Memories of the months spent with my friends flashed through my mind. I wondered if they were thinking about me, shaking away that thought, I knew they weren't. After high school we all began to drift apart. Kaiba disappeared completely only to be scene on the news. Yugi's grandfather passed away a year later, forcing my best friend to close the shop and move to Egypt with his tanned other half. I was happy for them finally getting their wish of being together, and the countless millions that Atemu won through various tournaments. For the first few months I received letters from him, but like all the rest, they forgot about me. Like my mother and sister when Honda moved in with them to start his relationship with Serenity. Like Anzu moving to America to fulfill her dancing dreams.

They all left me here. Alone, but happy for them. I slammed my fist into the nearest wall. I kept telling myself that I was happy for them, but nothing matter. I still wished deep down that someone would remember me. A cruel fate. I even missed my abusive drunk father, I wondered if my mother ever claimed his body. After five days of sitting in the police station waiting for her to show up, the police told me to go to a shelter or someone I knew while they tried to contact her again. Why was society so messed up? My father died when some two faced junkie jumped him and demanded all his money. My father never had more than a few dollars on him and that punk killed him for it. I stared up at the grocery store that my feet naturally dragged me to, trying to banish all thoughts from my mind. I truly was worthless. So worthless to be abandoned by my friends, mother, and even the sister that I thought cherished me. I was mistaken to believe that the value on my life equaled that of any other.

Taking another step towards the door, I debated on the amount of food I could buy and compared it to where I could hide it. At that moment food became the last thing on my mind. I didn't want to admit it, but life became more and more hopeless. I had nothing left. What was the point? Vanishing back to the alleyway, I curled up, shielding myself as best as I could from the rain. I felt a slow painful death was what I deserved. I must have done something to anger the gods. Something that deserved loneliness as a punishment. I was a coward.

I just closed my eyes when I heard someone yelling from the other end of the alleyway. It sounded like a group of people where harassing someone. I sighed and pushed myself up off the ground. Maybe one last heroic thing before I died. It might get me somewhere. Approaching the end of the alleyway I spotted an expensive looking white sport car. Two of the windows were shot out and the driver's side door was ajar. The group of men were kicking someone on the ground,. They looked built and deadly, but I had a death wish at that moment. "Hey uglies! Didn't your mama ever teach you not to break someone else's toys?" I shouted, gaining all of their attention.

Three men turned to face me while the other grabbed a hold of the bloody burnet and held him behind the group. The one with dark red hair approached me first. "Didn't your mommy ever teach you to mind your own business?"

"No my mama never taught me a thing." I grabbed the man quickly by the throat and threw him on the ground stepping on his throat. "But my father taught me respect. Get out of here and you may live." I glared up at the other three.

They didn't move, obviously my pale skin and thin frame didn't scare them. The other two moved swiftly towards me. I smashed my fist into the first one's face cracking his nose. His face covered in blood and tears in a matter of seconds. The other man grabbed my arms and pulled me off his friend where they proceeded to punch and kick every part of my body. Breathing became difficult and my vision blurred, but I managed to take another one of them down. Before I could move again, the man holding the brunet pointed a gun at me. "That's enough."

I rolled my eyes and threw the last man on the ground after banging his head against the nearest wall. At that moment, I didn't care for my life and completely gave in to recklessness. He shot me in the arm, but I moved quickly toward him, shocking him completely. The pain in my arm numbed as I banged the man's head off the white car, causing smudges of blood all over the hood. Out of breath and my vision blurring, I knelt down to the unconscious man noticing for the first time who it was. "Kaiba!" I gasped quickly searching his pockets for his cell phone. Finding it, I scrolled through the list of names looking for Mokuba's number, grateful that Kaiba didn't have a lock on it. Mokuba picked up with the first ring, "Big Brother?"

"Mokuba, your brother was carjacked. I managed to get here in time, but he's hurt badly. Do you have a GPS on this phone."

"Who is this?"

For the first time, I didn't want to tell him, and I knew I was going to get my eternal wish. "It doesn't matter just get here." I left the phone on and looked over the wounds. He was shot in the arm and what looked like a bullet graced his forehead. His lip was split and the blue business suit was covered in blood. Knowing that he'll live long enough for Mokuba to get here, I stood again, but my body gave out and blackness surrounded me. Cursing my rotten luck, I knew that there was no hiding now.

"How are they doing?" I heard a voice echo, but unable to focus on it.

"Mr. Kaiba would be just fine. In a couple weeks, the stitches can be removed, but until then place this ointment on it and change the bandages twice a day to prevent infection and a scar. He should wake in a few hours, but I want him to rest for the next week. Tell him my orders. As for Mr. Jounouchi," the man sighed, "He's in for a long road to recovery; on top of the bullet wound, his body is starved and very malnutrition. Start him off with soups for a few days until his body can handle solid foods. Give him the vitamins to help replenish what he lost. The bullet wound is going to need the same treatment as Mr. Kaiba."

Everything began to blur more and fade. My mind was relieved that Kaiba would recover. I fell into a peaceful sleep. Dreams were filled with images of my past. I hated remembering those days I spent in the police station curled up on those uncomfortable blue plastic chairs awaiting my mother who never showed. "Mr. Jounouchi?" a kind woman called. I stared up at her bright blue eyes not sure what to feel. "I'm sorry, but the captain said that it was unlikely that your mother would be coming soon. Do you have someplace to go?"

"Yeah," I lied, standing up. "But what about my father?"

"We'll wait another day or so to see if your mother would at least call. Would she know where to find you?"

"Yes." Another lie. My mother knew nothing about me and judging by the fact she never arrived, she didn't care. I left the police station that night. Dead to all emotions, I wandered the streets, stopping by the game shop Yugi used to live in. I walked to Honda's and Anzu's house, and even stood outside of Kaiba's mansion before it clicked in that there was nothing left for me. Depression filled my soul knowing that I could never return home or feel worthy of everything.

I was fully awake, lying on a soft mattress before I noticed the moisture on my cheeks. I must have been crying in my sleep. Cursing my weakness, I tried to rise, but my body felt sore and with my defeated personality, all I wanted to do was curl up and die. "Jou, I'm glad you're awake," a soft voice whispered.

"Mokuba, help me up."

"No, the doctor said that you should rest for a few days. Are you hungry?" I shook my head. Mokuba frowned as if knowing I wouldn't eat. "Seto isn't awake yet, but I could call the kitchen and have some soup brought up."

"That's okay." I looked down at myself. Obviously they changed my clothes. "Please bring me my clothes so I can leave."

Tears gathered at the corners of Mokuba's eyes as he shook his head. "The doctor said you shouldn't move. Why would you want to leave to be in pain? What happened to you?"

"Does it matter? Please, Mokuba, my clothes."

Mokuba continued to shake his head. I was getting more frustrated and decided just to leave with the clothes I had on, but the smaller teen held me down, telling me that I wasn't suppose to move. Growing more and more frustrated, I was tempted to throw him off me. "Shut up, Mutt, and rest like Mokuba said."

I instantly stopped struggling and realized for the firs time that Kaiba was lying in another bed beside mine. "Big Brother!" Mokuba shouted. "You're okay." The raven haired youth gently hugged his brother, attempting not to hurt him.

"Mokie, bring him some soup and force it down his throat if you have to." Kaiba sighed and flipped over as best as he could. "I need more rest."

Stunned that Kaiba wasn't throwing me out at first and then that he was actually offering me his food by force nonetheless, I managed to sit up while Mokuba moved over to the phone on the dresser. I don't know what he ordered, but I wasn't going to fight. Even through my stubbornness, I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it out of the house without eating something. The amount of blood that I must have lost was enough to cause strain on my body and just sitting up was a challenge. Maybe I could accept their help until I was better again. I knew that they would never let me out of the house until then so why fight it.

I spent several days in bed, slowly gaining back the strength I once had before my life turned to mush. Kaiba eventually left the room to continue his recovery either in his bedroom or his office since Mokuba was refusing to let him go to work until the stitches were out. Hours dragged by slowly as I scanned channel after channel for something to watch on television. Mokuba annoyingly checked on me every one to two hours, bringing me food three times a day. It was like he was afraid that I would get up and leave without saying anything. I doubt I would get far right at that moment. Bored, I found myself sleeping a lot except when Mokuba would come to talk to me for a few minutes or while I was eating. I glanced at the clock on the television noticing that it was a few minutes before five. Mokuba would be coming soon with some dinner. I was able to eat more solid foods now, but I still couldn't eat as much as they wanted me to. My small stomach refused to let me enjoy food like I used to.

Five o'clock right on the dot the door opened revealing a healthier looking Kaiba instead of Mokuba. "So, I get the pleasure of your company tonight. I thought you had servants to do that type of work."

Choosing to ignore my comment, Kaiba set the tray on my lap. The delicious smells of garlic chicken watered my lips. This was the first time my stomach craved the food. He pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. "What are you watching?"

Glancing up at the screen, I had the news on. I sighed and picked the fork up. "Nothing else is on."

"I do have movie channels if you're interested. You just have to hit the movie button, and it'll show you a list of movies on." Kaiba glanced at me as I put a piece of the chicken in my mouth.

He seemed different, but it looked like he wanted to know something. "What do you want to ask?"

His face flashed a strange emotion before going back to his emotionless form. "I've tried to contact your house for the past few days, but the phone just keeps ringing. I know your father isn't the greatest, but do you know why he's not picking up."

Shocked by what he said, I placed the fork down. I guess there was nothing in the paper. I don't know why there would be. I stared at the food. "My father is dead," I whispered. Silence remained for the longest time between us before I took a deep breath and continued. I knew that Kaiba wasn't pushing me into talking, but it felt oddly better finally talking about what happened. "A junkie tried to rob him, but my dad must have fought back, and the man killed him for it. It was about a month ago. I waited for a few days in the police station before they told me I had to leave. I lied to the nice policewoman and told her I had someplace to go, but with no money, I couldn't afford to live in my apartment so I didn't go back there."

Everything became easier to say as I continued to ramble on. It was like I was talking to my own therapist. And Kaiba politely let me talk. "I don't know why I thought my mother would come and get me. She never had interest in me after she left Dad and I. Plus, Serenity and Honda hooked up right after high school. She would be too focused on them. Yugi and Atemu moved to Egypt and Anzu to America. I had nowhere to go."

"Why didn't you come here?" Kaiba softly asked.

I continued to stare at the food, unable to finish it. "I couldn't impose on you. You're so busy running Kaiba Corp and all those inventions you keep coming out with." Tears rolled down my cheeks. My pride wouldn't let me stop them. "Everyday that she didn't show up I fell more and more into a heavy state of depression. By the time I was kicked out of the police station, I wanted to curl up and die. I spent three days on the streets, waiting for that ever faithful day when death would take me. Then it came when I heard these men yelling at someone. When I found you, I knew death would be delivered that day. I didn't even know it was you at first, but I figured at least I could make something of myself on my last day on Earth. Even then death didn't want me." I suddenly looked up and stared into his sapphire eyes. "What do I have to do in order to leave this place? Why are the gods punishing me like this? What have I ever done to anyone to deserve all this pain? Am I truly worthless?"

Kaiba pushed the tray off my lap and wrapped his arms around me. Too depressed to be shocked about his sudden motion, I leaned into his heat and held onto him tightly fearing that this was a dream and that I would wake back up in that cold alleyway. "You're not worthless," he whispered in my ear. "How could you say that? You deserve all the happiness in the world. You were depressed and hopeless yet you went to rescue a complete stranger. How could you think you are worthless?"

"I had a death wish at that moment. I knew that I couldn't win. I was counting on it."

"But you still decided to go."

I buried my head into Kaiba's shoulder. "Why are you caring now?"

"I never said I didn't care before."

"We always fought."

"Don't friends fight?"

"Friends?" The word felt unfamiliar. Kaiba ran his fingers through my hair. "I never thought of you as a friend. A rival at first maybe a friend later, but…" I trailed off. I really didn't know what I felt. Everything was mashing together. "Soon I'll have enough energy to leave. I won't inconvenience you for much longer."

"First off, quit changing subjects so quickly. And, second off, you're not leaving here until you have enough money to live on your own and even then you don't have to leave. Mokuba will be going away to college next year and as much as I may not hang around here too much, it would be nice if someone else would be here with me other than my staff."

"What?"

Kaiba pulled the food back towards me. "Think about it. Why don't you eat more of this before it gets cold?"

I lifted the food up and continued eating, felling slightly better now that I was able to talk some things through. "Are you busy?"

"Not until tomorrow. Why?"

I felt my cheeks heating up, but I tried to hid it by turning away from him. "Would you like to watch a movie with me? I'm a bit bored," I said quickly, trying to cover up the fact that I was actually lonely and his company was very comforting.

Kaiba sat there for a few moments in silence before answering. "Sure." He walked around the other side of the bed and lifted the covers up as he sat next to me. He grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels. "Anything you wanted to see?"

"Something happy. I don't think I could take any more misery right this second." Kaiba turned on some comedy movie that I wasn't paying too much attention to. It felt great having someone's body heat sitting next to me. I never wanted to ask Mokuba to stay only because I knew he would want to talk about what happened. Kaiba was different. Respectful to only ask what I wanted to reveal. He was different from high school. I finished what I could with dinner and moved the tray over to the abandoned chair. I didn't want to accidentally knock it over. My body felt at ease.

"Can you do something for me later?" I asked quietly after the movie was a little ways in.

"It'll cost you."

I frowned. "Sure what ever you want. Can you find out if my mother ever came to claim my father's body." I didn't care what it cost to find out. I wanted to know, and I didn't know why. I just didn't want the only person who ever stayed with me to be rotten in an unmarked grave.

"I'll call tomorrow."

"Thanks. I'll get a job in a few days and pay you back for everything. Keep track for me. Will you?"

"Jou…"

"I'm sure the private doctor costs a lot and the amount of bandages that you used and this gourmet food."

"Shut up a second, Jou!" Kaiba shouted before glancing over at me. "What part of this made you think you had to pay me back. You saved my life, and the only way to pay you back is to save yours. I'll call the coroner tomorrow, but I want you to promise me that you won't leave here. You won't go find a job. And most especially you'll stop thinking about price. If you have to know, the private doctor costs less than going to the emergency room with no insurance. The food is not gourmet, we may be rich, but we don't eat that way. And those bandages won't break me."

I stared at Kaiba. I've never heard him talk that much about his life before. I don't know whether to be shocked that he lived a normal life even though he should be living a rich life. I degraded myself for not realizing sooner. His clothes were never made of gold. I've never seen him driving any other car besides the white sports car or the limo he occasionally used. The technology in his house is advance, but Kaiba is a genius he could have made it from scratch. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

Kaiba relaxed. "I shouldn't have said that much." The movie was halfway over when I actually focused on it. It felt strange sitting there during all the comedy and neither one of us laughed. I didn't figure Kaiba would, but my humor was always there. Why wasn't anything making me laugh? What was this craving I was having? I just wanted to get closer to that warm heat beside me. I closed my eyes and placed my head on his shoulder, pretending like I was just tired. Kaiba didn't push me off or even stiffen. He felt soft and smelt like fresh flowers. I stared at the television hoping that I could stay like this forever. Kaiba moved and turn towards me. "Is this loneliness you're feeling?" he whispered to me. "I can help you through this. Help you smile again."

"Help me smile? You don't even know how to smile yourself."

Kaiba chuckled. It was a soft laughter that was enough to sooth any soul. I've never heard him laugh. It was addictive enough to make me laugh. Once I started laughing I couldn't stop. Tears stung the corners of my eyes as I continued to laugh. It wasn't even a funny joke just the fact that I haven't expressed any emotion in several weeks. I felt great to laugh even if it was with my greatest rival. Finally taking a few deep breathes, I calmed my laughter down. "You know after I heard Yugi and Atemu left I did want to call you, but I never could get through. The line was always busy."

"My father always knocked it off the hook. I never placed it back on. It was safer never to clean up after him. Why would you want to get in contact with me?"

"I figured you would be lonely without any of your friends." He blushed. I've never seen him blush before. This clearly wasn't the same Kaiba I knew back in high school. He had more emotions to him. The stone cold stare was no longer on his face. It was like he turned human again. "I thought maybe you would want to duel just for fun. No stakes."

"Jeeze Kaiba, I haven't played since before we graduated. I wouldn't even remember half of the rules if I did, but I wouldn't mind just hanging out like this."

Kaiba's cheeks reddened more. I didn't know what he was thinking about, but it made me curious. I pushed myself up and moved over to sit in between his legs. The shock expression on his face made me blink. I was enjoying the different expressions on his face. "What is it?" he asked.

"You've really changed. I've never seen you change expressions so much. I was curious what was making you blush." He backed his head up some more, smacking it against the headboard. I laughed as he rubbed it. "I have this odd craving to kiss you." I knew I was being blunt about what I felt, and it was confusing me. I already knew that I wasn't into girls, but this person was the one that I saw as my rival. Yet, I was here sitting in the bed next to him thinking things I shouldn't be imagining.

"What's stopping you?"

I was taken back by that comment. He said it so calmly as if he wanted me to kiss him. "Confusion," I answered honestly. "I thought you hated me and I hated you, but when I think about it, I really didn't despise you. I actually saw you as a goal. I wanted to reach your potential. I wanted to be a duelist like you. So, I really didn't hate you. But, that doesn't clear anything up. Now I'm even more confused that you are not pushing me away and even questioned why I'm not acting on my instincts." He moved so quickly that I barely register that his lips were over mine, dancing in a romantic harmony.

"You talk to much, Jou."

"What if these feelings are not real? What if I'm only doing this because you are the first person that cared about me after my father died?"

"I'll take that chance. Will you?" He leaned up again, kissing me deeper. Everything was confusing, but it didn't feel wrong. I craved his touch and his love. He pulled me into his embrace and lifted the covers over us. "I have a confession," he whispered in my ear, "I only wanted to contact you because I finally realized why I teased you so much. I wanted this. I wanted a relationship with you."

The confusion was starting to clear, but I wanted to think more about it. "Will you give me time to recover?" I licked his neck and kissed it. Right at that moment I wanted him so badly that I could barely contain myself, but I didn't want to hurt him. I really wanted time to think about what was happening and slow things down. I knew that if he truly loved me he would give me that chance. I wasn't afraid of him rejecting me. I was afraid of me rejecting him.

Kaiba nodded gently as he wrapped his arms around me. "I'll give you all the time in the world."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Thank you." Sleep became easier for me that night and for the rest of the nights. Our relationship grew stronger by the day. He waited patiently for me, only taking our intimate contacts as far as I was comfortable with. Until the day came when I knew my feelings were true.

Mokuba went to college a month ago, and I found joy in working with the chef on the various dinners he made. Seto would come and go, spending most of his time at the office and only coming home when he was too tired. It made me feel lonely, but I knew he was working on a project that required him to have long meetings and observations over the new game he was creating. Tonight would be the night. Seto would be returning early because the game will be shipped out that night and all their struggles will now be in the consumer's hands. I politely asked the staff to leave us be for the night, already knowing that Seto let them stay in the mansion with them. The maids smiled without revealing that they knew what I was doing. Some of the staff opted to leave for the night.

I just finished lighting the final candle in our bedroom. The room smelt beautiful like Sakura Trees and soft orchestra music played in the background. I didn't expect Seto to be hungry when he returned from the after party. I heard the garage door thud as a smile crept over my face. Seto was home. I crawled up on the bed, knowing that he would see the light coming from the windows. He would know which room I was in. I took my shirt off and rubbed cherry oil over my tan skin. It felt great having my muscles back. I sat propped up against the headboard awaiting the person who was driving me to have wet dreams.

The door crept open as I placed my right arm up on the headboard and smiled at Seto who already began taking his suit off on the way up the stairs. "Antsy aren't we?"

I smirked and called him over to me with my finger, attempting the sexiest grin I could come up with. He sat down on the bed, unbuttoning his white shirt. I leaned up forward, finishing the job as I kissed his skin. He groaned and placed his hand on my head, guiding me towards his sensitive spots. I knew where they all were and purposely avoided them. Slipping his shirt off, I threw it on the ground before pushing him down on his back. I straddled his waist, kissing him deeply before traveling down his chest and stomach. Kissing and licking, I gained moan after moan from my lover. The loose fitting boxers that I wear were beginning to tighten. I wanted him so badly. Running my fingers down his sides, I smiled up at him. "How was work?"

"You're kidding right?"

I laughed and dipped my tongue into his belly button. "I didn't want it to seem like I was sitting here all day long dreaming about jumping you, thinking about all the dirty things I could do to you."

"Too late. I already know you what you were doing all day."

He sat up and pushed me down on bed. His bare chest felt wonderful against my flushed skin. I groaned and wrapped my legs around his waist. Seto reached down and quickly pushed my boxers off grasping my member before I could even blink. I gasped and gripped his shoulders tightly, accidentally digging my nails into them. Seto hissed and kissed me. "We're going to have to cut those nails before we do this again."

I chuckled as I opened his pants slowly dragging them down while he lifted himself up so I could remove them. I smirked at the lack of underwear. "Expecting something today?"

"No," he bit down on my neck. I sucked in air, enjoying the goosebumps running down my skin. "Too dozy this morning to remember them."

I laughed as I flipped us over again. I pulled his arms over his head. Our lips locked again before I slipped down, massaging all his muscles and kissing the way down. I worked my way through countless hours of physical and emotional therapists to get to this point. My body was excited. "Do you want to top?" Seto whispered into my ear. I froze. This man that enjoys control and runs everything himself was willing to give me control. I debated with the thought over and over again. I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to give him control, but now that he offered me control I was tempted. Unfortunately, I wasn't confident in myself to take it. I wasn't certain about having control over our first intimate encounter.

I smiled down at Seto. "Maybe next time. I want your love. I want you to love me. Show me how you really feel for me. I need to know."

He nodded and flipped us back over. Slipping his fingers down my body, Seto left fire in its wake. My skin burned with need. I needed him, but my lover moved slowly over my body. Licking and kissing every part of me. He twirled his tongue around each nipple before sucking on them. I gasped as the shivers rolled down my spine and straight to my member. I couldn't hold on much longer. I felt like I was going to exploded. I wanted to release. I reached up and grabbed the oil from under the pillow and handed it to Seto. His soft fingers wrapped around mine, holding my hand with the oil in it. Opening the oil up he tipped it, rubbing the cherry scent over his fingers. "Take a deep breath. This will hurt a little." He slipped his finger inside of me while I let out a deep moan. It felt uncomfortable but not unpleasant. My breathing increased as I felt my body loosen to Seto. Once his finger was able to move in and out with ease, he added another one. I took a deep breath again. It felt a little more painful as he continued to stretch me. I turned my head to avoid eye contact. I didn't want him to see that I was actually in pain.

Seto leaned down slightly. "I know it hurts. I promise I'll make you feel great just hold on for a little longer." I nodded as he continued to stretch me. I trusted him. Suddenly he hit something that sent sparks running through my body, and my vision blurred slightly.

I gasped. "Oh my gods." Seto smirked and slipped his fingers back in to hit that spot again. It felt so wonderful that I didn't even notice that he added another finger. My hand slid down to grasp my member, but Seto moved my hand away.

"You'll end this too quickly if you do that even though it's sexy watching you touch yourself."

I groaned and squirmed underneath him. "Then hurry up."

He smirked before lining himself up and removing his fingers. "Breath slow." He pushed himself in me slowly. I arched my back, grinding my teeth to the pain of feeling truly full. Once fully seated, Seto didn't move for a few minutes, allowing my body to adjust. He pulled out and pushed back in slowly. It was agonizingly pleasurable that I pushed my body down to meet him. With each thrust, Seto moved faster. Unable to do anything else but moan and meet his body, I closed my eyes enjoying all the sensations running through my body. He wrapped his fingers around my member, pumping me in harmony with his thrusts. Everything was becoming too much, and I exploded without thinking twice. Within seconds, I felt myself being filled with Seto's essence.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down to lie on my body as he pulled out of me. We panted, lying in our own sweat and cum. "I love you," I whispered completely grateful that Seto came into my life.

"Love you too," he replied, leaning over the edge of the bed and reached for his pants. He slipped out a small box. I was speechless as he opened up the box and revealed the silver rings. "Will you stay by my side forever?"

A tear rolled down my cheek as I nodded. He slipped the simple ring on my finger, but what was carved around it was worth more than the silver: "Seto and Katsuya always and forever." Finally I was able to break free of the word worthless. I no longer felt worthless. I felt worthy. I was worthy of the love Seto was giving me. I was truly happy. "I will stay with you for as long as you'll have me." Seto kissed me. It was the saltiest kiss tonight with my happy tears that wouldn't stop flowing, but nothing else matter. I was with the person I truly loved, and he cherished me. I glanced over at the urn that held the last remnants of my father. I felt guilty for not claiming my father fast enough, but grateful that they at least kept his ashes separate from all the other bodies that weren't claimed. I hated my mother for never coming for him, but I knew that with time I would get over it. Someday I would try to claim my old friends back again, but at this moment, I had all that I needed. Thanks, Dad, for caring for me even though it was difficult for me to see. I hope you agree with my choice. I love this man and will forever.

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Wow that took me several days to write and I meant it as a short oneshot. Can you tell how much I listen to myself? I hope you like this. I was very depressed while writing it. I hope I did alright. Let me know. Thanks for reading please review.

Angel Dove


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